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29-Jul-2017 12:44

Why would they like someone who, if she can still have children, would need to have them straight away?No, men will run a mile.’ She paused, then added: ‘Sorry, dear.’ I’ve never been someone who absolutely has to be in a relationship.Here, to help you read between the lines of adverts, CLAUDIA CONNELL brings you a handy his 'n' hers Dating Dictionary. She'll be forever showing you pictures of fluffy kittens on her mobile phone and, on your first date, will have given pet names to all your fingers before the main course arrives. Forget any silly notions of Marilyn Monroe's softly sensuous body. VOLUPTUOUS Fat and shows too much flesh in clothes two sizes too small for her. Tries to make up for her ample size by being the life and soul of the party and fails in all respects. That means he's ugly, 5ft 3in and plays snooker CUDDLY Morbidly obese. But it's doubtful many beholders will consider her beautiful. On the UK High Street it's a completely different story. Cancel a date with this girl and you'll come home to find your car has been keyed and all the sleeves have been cut off your shirts. SPORTY I watched the Olympics and play snooker for the local pub team. Best not to hang around long enough to find out whether it's pre op or post op. A date would necessitate the removal of the roof and a whale sling. NOT INTO EMAIL TENNIS I need to secure a date as soon as possible, before you suss out what a tedious dullard I am. A woman's place is in the home and, more precisely, the kitchen - preferably cooking his meals and elbow deep in his dirty shirts. He'll order for you in a restaurant and pat you on the bottom and say 'don't you worry your pretty head about it' when you ask him about his day. Only to be pursued if you like men who moult all over your furniture. Speak slowly and clearly and always be within five minutes of a toilet. You want to paint the town red and she'll want you to paint her living room beige. Woe betide you if you don't notice she's had her hair cut or that she's wearing new shoelaces. Everyone in online dating is 'attractive.' In the real world it means 'pleasant to look at' - in the internet-speak it means: two eyes, two ears and a mouth. When he's not even claiming to be attractive, it's time to worry. DISCRETION OFFERED I don't care if you're married too. So unless you're a sure thing you pay for your own dinner. Translation: When his ad says 'rugby player's build' he doesn't mean Jonny Wilkinson, he really means Johnny Vegas DISCRETION EXPECTED I'm married and don't want my wife to know.

Highly active social life with an extroverted wife who knows everyone in town. I’m only using my plight as a way into this viral piece by Billy Baker of the Boston Globe, which painfully identifies how middle-aged men don’t have the same sense of community or support as their female peers. Look no further than the loneliness epidemic, which has quietly swept across America, and is slowly destroying our male population. Middle-aged loneliness is definitely not gender-specific. They have hardly any time or energy to enable closeness for their single friends (me).I realised that since turning 35 three years ago, I hadn’t met anyone I liked romantically, who was also single, straight and interested in me. ’ one married ex-boyfriend wrote on my Facebook page. I joined running clubs, did acting classes and dance classes, went on skiing holidays and singles holidays and badgered my friends to set me up with their friends.



Handles were often changed to make a piece of furniture look more fashionable and some chests will have had two or three different types of handle over the years.… continue reading »


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