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It really doesn’t and I say this because too many people are obsessed with saving face and maintaining faux friendships because they think that only not-so-good people don’t remain on friendly terms with their exes.
A hell of a lot of people also remain ‘friends’ with their ex because they: 1) want to keep an eye on the other party and keep them in their pocket as a rainy day option in case they change their mind and also to ensure that they haven’t made a bad decision, or 2) are not over them and are effectively re-auditioning in the hopes of being picked up when they realise that they can’t do better or when they have a lobotomy, or 3) are still sleeping with them but calling it ‘friendship’ makes the bitter pill of no official title and relationship easier to swallow, or 4) don’t really like him/her that much but can’t bear the thought that they [the haremologist] may feel similarly so they have the faux friendship for reassurance, or 5) need to validate something and prove it to their ego, peers or ‘everyone’.
It’s as if this guy is carting around a cemetery of all the women he’s ever been involved with or who have expressed an interest in him. All of this carry-on is reassurance that they’re not shady and is about maintaining illusions.
The pursuing of ‘friendship’ which may be little more than lots of messaging, is about getting harem members to forget their own feelings so that they can stroke his/hers and assuage them of their guilt.
In fact, I’ve heard a lot of versions of this story where they claim that they’d assumed that they were kindred spirits who were coming from the same emotional place and leaning on each other for friendship and support. The sad thing is that once you realise that you are in a harem, even if you’re peeved at being messed around, your own ego then worries about not being in the harem and even that he/she might choose another member.
In these situations, you love the attention and the diversion plus, let’s be real – you get a kick out of remaining connected to your ex but also out of knowing that it’s likely pissed them off.
You say you want to meet somebody and have a mutual relationship – why are you basing your life plans around how to keep your ex in your life or even how to keep them happy? The easiest way to ensure that you don’t end up in someone’s house of ex dolls collection is to ensure that self-esteem isn’t reliant on validation from ex partners or people who don’t reciprocate your interest.
It’s knowing that line between being friends and disrespecting yourself because you’re trying to have some crumbs rather than no crumbs and are taking what you see as their rejection of you and their inability to give you what you want personally.
When it’s genuine friendship, this is self-evident and unforced. It’s not baggage because the friendships are not being carted around as a way to avoid letting go and/or as symbols to reassure the ego.
If a someone is in the habit of remaining in touch with all of their exes, their ex love interests who they didn’t reciprocate the feelings of and even their friends’ exes, these ‘friendships’ are important to their ego and are serving a purpose.